


Something Special

by CracklyJoints



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Crying, Kim Seungmin-centric, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CracklyJoints/pseuds/CracklyJoints
Summary: Hyunjin turned his face to Seungmin’s, watching as his friend’s hands lowered from his face and came down by his sides again. “What if I don’t feel like that?” he asked, voice low and vulnerable. “What if I’m the only one in the whole world who doesn’t want that, and I’m just weird and broken?”
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Something Special

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! I’ve had an idea like this floating around for a while, and I wanted to finally get it down on paper. It evolved a little bit from the direction I thought it was gonna go in, but I like where it ended up. I hope you enjoy it as well!

The door creaked open, but Seungmin didn’t move a muscle. His arms stayed wrapped around his plushie, keeping his breathing even and deep, closed eyes towards the wall. Maybe if he pretended hard enough, he could actually fall asleep and this whole rotten day could finally be over with.

Footsteps shuffled across the room to the bed below him after the door closed with a soft thud. Hyunjin’s activity seemed to be hushed. Whether that was because he thought his roommate was actually asleep or he was just trying to be considerate, Seungmin wasn’t sure. Minho had stayed in the living room with Jisung, claiming a need for a movie night, so Seungmin knew the quiet must be for his sake. Just to be safe, he decided to keep up the ruse. 

The bunk below Seungmin’s groaned as Hyunjin climbed in. To Seungmin’s ears, it sounded exactly how he felt. Worn out. Cranky. Upset. The day had been hard on all of them, with a music show performance, then a vlive immediately after to promote their recent comeback. On top of all of that, Chan had invited them all out to dinner afterward as a thank you for all the hard work they’d all been putting in lately. Seungmin definitely wasn’t going to complain about free food and he appreciated the gesture, but by the time they’d finally gotten home, his battery was just completely empty. He didn’t want to see anyone, and he especially didn’t want to talk to anyone, since he was fairly certain he’d either snap at them or cry, and he wasn’t really keen to test which one it would be. He’d been the first one to shower as soon as they’d gotten home, then declared immediately afterward that he was going to bed.

Hearing Hyunjin settle into his bunk was almost calming, though. The quiet shuffle of blankets and sheets drifted out into the room, falling softly on Seungmin’s ears. The clicking sounds of Hyunjin’s phone as he typed out a message felt almost like the ticking of a clock, comforting and hushed. Seungmin continued to breathe deep. After a few minutes of conversing with whoever was on the other end of his messages, Hyunjin seemed to have finished, as the irregular noises came to a stop. 

“Hey Seungmin,” came a low whisper. He didn’t answer. A moment passed. “Are you asleep?”

Despite his best efforts, Seungmin’s shoulders tensed. He didn’t feel like talking per se, but he didn’t really like the idea of blatantly ignoring his friend either. He decided to compromise. Unwrapping his arms from his plush toy, he shifted until he was on his back, staring at the ceiling. His soft sigh floated out into the room. Hopefully Hyunjin got the message.

“I guess not,” came the reply. He waited. Receiving no response, though, he continued. “You seem down.”

Tears, hot and wet, pricked at the corner of Seungmin’s eyes. The pattern in the ceiling seemed to resemble a dragon. Or was it a snake?

“Are you just tired?”

The first drop rolled down his temple. He sniffed wetly.

In a moment, a blond ponytail appeared between the bars of his side rail, followed by a pair of furrowed brows and soft eyes. “Hey” Hyunjin said softly. “Hey, Minnie, are you crying?”

Seungmin sniffled again. His eyebrows came down in a pinch as he tried to push down the rising hiccup. It looked like he had his answer to the snapping or crying question.

“Min, are you okay?” Hyunjin murmured. Closing his eyes as another tear dropped to his pillow, Seungmin shook his head. “Do you want me to come up there with you?” Seungmin thought for a moment. He nodded.

The ladder to the bunk bed clinked dully as Hyunjin’s rings clicked against it. Hand over hand, Hyunjin clambered quickly up and into the top bunk, stretching out next to his friend. Coming to rest on his side, he laid his head on the pillow, eyes darting to the gleaming trail down the side of Seungmin’s face. He reached his hand up, wiping away the tears he could see before bringing his hand back down to the space between them. There wasn’t much of it.

“Hey, you want to tell me what’s going on?” 

Seungmin could feel his friend’s worried gaze across his face. He could hear the tenderness in his voice, almost like he was afraid Seungmin may break. That was fair enough. He kind of felt like he might. He shook his head.

“Minnie, I don’t know how to help if you don’t talk to me.” Hyunjin’s hand moved back up to Seungmin’s cheek to wipe more of the fresh tears. With that one motion, though, he seemed to finally shatter the one tiny crack in the facade that had appeared the minute the tears started flowing. Suddenly breaking out into a sob, Seungmin turned abruptly and buried his tear-streaked face deep into the side of his friend’s neck. His shoulders shook as he cried, trying and failing to stop the hiccups in his breaths. He felt a broad hand land on his back, rubbing slow, soothing circles there. “Hey, shh, it’s okay,” Hyunjin shushed. “It’s okay, Min. I’m here.”

Hyunjin shifted until he was laying on his back, Seungmin’s head cradled on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around his middle. The hand between his shoulder blades continued it’s rhythm, comforting him until his sobs had faded to breathy whines, then to shallow breaths, quiet and still. His head hurt. He breathed.

“I don’t like it,” Seungmin began after a moment. Hyunjin looked down at him through dark lashes, confused. “The attention,” he clarified. “Today, during our vlive, fans kept commenting about the dance practice where my shirt came up recently.” Hyunjin’s expression cleared in understanding. Jisung had been the first to notice the comments and mention them. Shortly thereafter, a staff member had the video queued up for them to watch. Seungmin had been a good sport as they watched, but Hyunjin never would’ve guessed it had bothered him this much.

“What do you mean, the attention?” he asked. “You don’t like how you look?” It was a common concern. Everyone dealt with it occasionally, some even more frequently than that. When their entire career focused on how they looked and performed, it was easy to get down on themselves if they felt like they didn’t look their best.

“It’s not that,” Seungmin responded. His voice was slightly muffled by Hyunjin’s chest, cheek still pressed up against smooth cotton. “I don’t like how they talk about me.” His hand reached down to pull his blanket higher, only to find it pinned by Hyunjin on top of it. His friend noticed, moving and squirming until he was finally under the covers with Seungmin, tucking the blanket close under Seungmin’s chin.

“The fans?” Hyunjin asked. Seungmin nodded. 

“Like, I just wanted to dance, but my shirt came up for half a second and now the entire internet is talking about my abs.” He sighed, frustrated. The tears from earlier had dried on his cheeks, but the spots they’d left on Hyunjin’s shirt were still damp against his skin. “And like, I get that that’s normal. It’s part of being in the public eye, getting ogled.” His voice got smaller. “I just . . . don’t like it.”

Hyunjin hummed in understanding. They’d all had their moments in the past where fans had latched onto one particular thing about a performance, and ignored virtually everything else. It was frustrating, sure. All the hard work that goes into preparing a performance, and then the only thing people can seem to focus on is the one moment where their clothes malfunctioned, or they made a funny face. His free hand came up to wrap his friend in a hug. 

“I’m sorry fans kept bringing it up,” Hyunjin said. “Maybe we can talk to Jisung and the rest of the group later to ask them not to mention it when they see it in the comments.” 

Lying there in a warm embrace, Seungmin felt safe. He didn’t have to pretend to be anything he wasn’t, not with Hyunjin, and not with the rest of his team either. He could be himself. He sighed again, remembering that. He turned his face up to look at Hyunjin.

“Do you ever feel uncomfortable doing sexy concepts?” he asked quietly. 

Hyunjin’s eyes flickered to his again before staring back up at the ceiling. “Not really?” he said, tone rising at the end as if it was a question. Seungmin felt him shrug. “I guess I enjoy it. I’m comfortable with it.”

Seungmin dropped his gaze back down to his hand resting on Hyunjin’s chest. “Oh,” he said.

“Do you?”

He paused. Did he? “Maybe?” Seungmin stared at his fingernails. They were getting long. Maybe he should cut them tomorrow. “I guess I just don’t like thinking of myself sexually. So I don’t like making other people think of me that way either.”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows rose in surprise. This wasn’t something he’d heard before. “What do you mean?” he asked cautiously. He didn’t know where this was going, but the last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing and make Seungmin feel bad.

“I don’t know,” came the response. “I just don’t really feel that way.” He shifted until he could see the ceiling, pillowing his neck more on Hyunjin’s arm than his shoulder. It was easier to talk about it when he didn’t have to look at anyone. He continued. “You know how Changbin-hyung used to get that dumb look on his face whenever he saw his ex? Like before they broke up?”

“Which look?”

“The one he’d get when he was turned on.” Seungmin squirmed. “I asked him about it once, what went through his head when that happened.”

“Oh?” Hyunjin asked.

“He said it felt like he just wanted to kiss them and touch them all over. Like he wanted to hold them and see them naked and hear the noises he could make them make.” Seungmin brought his hands up to cover his face. His cheeks were turning hot, and he felt exposed. “Is that what it’s like for you?” he asked quietly, voice muffled by his palms.

Now it was Hyunjin’s turn for his cheeks to flame. They hadn’t talked about any of this before. “You mean do I ever feel like that?” Seungmin nodded. “Uh,” Hyunjin continued. “I guess?” He wriggled his arm out from underneath Seungmin’s neck, a slight tingling in the tips of his fingers. They lay there, shoulder to shoulder in a bed that was too small for it, and Hyunjin coughed. “I think for me, I’ve never really had a person I thought it would be possible with, so my fantasies were never super specific, but I’d like to do all of those things. At some point.”

A frustrated whine rang out. Hyunjin turned his face to Seungmin’s, watching as his friend’s hands lowered from his face and came down by his sides again. “What if I don’t feel like that?” he asked, voice low and vulnerable. “What if I’m the only one in the whole world who doesn’t want that, and I’m just weird and broken?” The tears threatened to come back, his throat tightening ominously. 

“Hey, Min, no,” Hyunjin soothed. “You’re not broken.” His hand came up as if to reach for Seungmin’s, only to pause awkwardly and flop back down as he reconsidered. Did this change things between them?

“Aren’t I?” Seungmin asked, voice cracking. The tears shimmered in his eyes, still focused adamantly on the ceiling. “It seems like everyone else wants to fuck, and I just don’t. How is that not different?”

Hyunjin watched as the first tear dropped and beaded momentarily on the fabric of the pillow before sinking in and leaving a dark circle. “Minnie, I mean sure, maybe it’s different, but it’s not wrong.” He rolled back onto his side, giving in to the desire to comfort. Wrapping his arm around Seungmin’s waist, he rested his cheek on his shoulder, a mirror of just a short time before. “Everyone’s different, Min,” he continued. “Just because other people like something, doesn’t mean you have to. And I’m sure you’re not the only person in the world like that, either.”

Seungmin sniffed. The tears in his eyes made the dragon in the ceiling wobble and shake, settling back into focus whenever he blinked. “You think?” he asked quietly.

Hyunjin’s hand rose once more from Seungmin’s waist and cupped his cheek, thumbing away tears. “I’m sure of it,” he said. “You’re not broken, Min.” Bringing his hand back down, his eyebrows creased. “I do have a question, though,” he said tentatively.

Another sniffle. “Yeah?” Seungmin asked.

“Does this-” he paused, heart heavy. “Does this change whatever we are?” The question hung in the air for one moment, then two. Right as he was about to take it back, though, he felt fingers thread through his. 

Hyunjin looked up at his friend’s face. “Not for me, it doesn’t,” Seungmin said, eyes soft, if a little watery still. A thumb stroked the back of Hyunjin’s hand. “But maybe it does for you?” His voice sounded cautious, as if bracing for impact.

Hyunjin thought for a moment. They’d never properly talked about what they were to each other. It had just evolved so naturally that neither one had really ever thought to bring it up. It had started as just talking. Anything and everything was fair game, whispering into the darkness of their shared room. They talked about their day, their feelings, their frustrations. They were close. Sometimes when the feelings were too much, they would hold each other, like now. When they were stressed out or overwhelmed, there they were for each other, quietly supporting. It was almost the same way that the whole group was there for each other. Almost. But there were nights, watching movies in the living room, or days when they found particularly good food to eat together, that it would hit one of them: something just clicked between them. It was something special, something they didn’t quite have a word for yet. Something that had never involved sex, Hyunjin thought, and never held the promise of it.

“I don’t think it does,” he answered. The crease in Hyunjin’s brow lifted at the response. The answer nearly surprised even himself. Whatever it was he had with Seungmin, though, felt comfortable, warm. It didn’t need to be anything more than what they wanted it to be. “You’re still you,” he said quietly. He squeezed the hand in his. His voice got smaller, then. “You don’t mind this, though?” he asked.

“Mind what?” Seungmin responded.

Hyunjin’s eyes left his friend’s face, staring down at their clasped hands instead. He pushed up the tiniest bit, head slotting neatly into the crook of Seungmin’s neck. “The cuddling,” he said.

A small smile stretched itself across Seungmin’s lips for only the ceiling dragon to see. “You just try to stop me,” he said, chuckling. He felt a sigh against his neck at his words. The breath tickled. “You’re special to me, Jin,” he said. His voice grew more stable as his tears dried. “And if it’s okay with you, I want to keep figuring things out between us.”

“I’d like that,” Hyunjin said quietly. 

They lay there in the stillness, the darkness like an extra blanket over them, muffling their breaths and the soothing sound of heartbeats. Before long, Seungmin felt the boy in his arms go soft with sleep, little puffs against his neck shallow and calm. Yeah, he thought, eyes drifting closed. He definitely still wanted this.

**Author's Note:**

> And there it is! I actually didn’t intend to write them as a pairing when I first started this fic off, but as I was writing, I just felt there was more of a connection between them, and decided to explore that. I’m toying around with the idea of turning this into a chaptered fic, which is why the chapter count is 1/?. I have a few ideas as to what that would look like, so if that’s something you’d be interested to see, let me know in the comments!
> 
> I do want to note that the only reason the term asexuality is not explicitly used in this fic so far is simply due to the boys lacking the vocabulary to describe it. That is going to change if I continue this fic, but on the off chance I don’t, I wanted to note it here, since I’m aware it can be frustrating when people dance around the topic without ever naming it, and just implying it instead.
> 
> I hope everyone had a lovely new year, and that you stayed safe and healthy! If you’re headed back to work or school after a holiday break, just know I believe in you! You can do it!


End file.
